Snow in the South

So there are always two BIG weather stories in America: fires in California, and snow south of the Mason-Dixon Line. It never fails; those will ALWAYS make headline news across the country. I don't know what it is, but people are obsessed with how Southerners deal with the white stuff.

And it's because Southerners deal with snow POORLY.

Like REALLY poorly.

First of all, if you're running low on bread and milk prior to the snow coming, you are shit out of luck. There won't be any at the grocery store. Harris Teeter will not save you. All the wheat and dairy products within 100 miles have all been bought up by people who SWEAR that somehow there is a concoction made out of bread and milk that will enclose your house in a force field-like bubble, preventing the snow from ever reaching the ground. Furthermore, if by some act of God that snow DOES in fact fall at your house, using boiling hot milk and bread will in fact cause the snow to melt faster than the Wicked Witch of the West in a swimming pool.

Why bread and milk? If you lose power, the milk goes bad...unless you stick it in the snow, in which case your plan has failed; it's almost as though you WANT it to snow so that way milk doesn't go bad. It makes no sense. Why not buy peanut butter? Or chocolate? Or Lance crackers? People prepare for snow in the South as though it's a NUCLEAR winter, and not just half-an-inch-of-snow winter.

The funniest thing ever is to drive around before the snow actually comes. It doesn't matter if it's going to be barely a dusting, or an 8-inch dump (as was the case this weekend); if you drive on roads in the South prior to the snowfall, there will always be salt on the roads. NEWS FLASH - salt on the roads BEFORE the snow falls does nothing to keep the roads from icing. Absolutely nothing. The entire reason you put salt on the roads is to melt ice that ALREADY EXISTS. When no ice is present, salt on the road is as useful as more Twilight movies - which is to say, not at all useful.

Then the snow falls. Here's where it gets interesting, folks.

If school is in session at the first sign of snow, the entire school shuts down. Kids are sent home to be with their families in the waning moments of civilization as we know it, and hopefully they all arrive safely before the Apocalypse. Employees leave work early to avoid getting "snowed in" at work...because all the bread and milk is at home. It's as though the world stops to watch a beautiful death in the making - as though none of us can escape the impending doom that is but a brief snow flurry.

Once the snow is down, forget trying to go anywhere apparently. That 1-inch embankment will prevent you from leaving your house for at least 48 hours. If you are among the brave souls to leave your house, you will need all the basic tools necessary to survive in the wild winter wasteland -

1. Chains on your tires. This is not a joke; people in the South put chains on their tires. This is a standard operating procedure - if you live in the Arctic.

2. Cinder blocks in your trunk. For the added traction in the snow and ice. All 1/2 inch of it.

3. Six layers of clothes and three days worth of food. In case you can never return home EVER AGAIN.

4. A friend or family member. Never underestimate the value of the buddy system in the snow; you never know when you actually will need them to help you push your car out of a 1-inch snow drift or if you need to eat them in case you get stuck FOREVER.

Watching people leave their houses during the snow is one of the most ridiculous things to witness in the South. You would swear they were going on a three-month expedition to Antarctica, and were saying their last good-byes to everyone they know.

Furthermore, actually watching them drive is a real treat as well - unless you're within 20 feet of them. Then it's just dangerous. There are two types of drivers in the snow below the Mason-Dixon Line: there are those that drive 5 miles per hour, and those that continue to drive 5 miles per hour ABOVE the normal speed limit. Both are equally dangerous, and equally annoying. Consequently, if you listen to the radio, you will hear about over 20 accidents within a 5 mile stretch of highway...with less than an inch of snow on the ground (this is not a joke; this actually happened on I-40 when I was at UNC-Chapel Hill as a student).

So, if you're making a list of things to do before you die, here are some of the things you should have on there:

1. Go to New York City at Christmas time.

2. Build your own house.

3. Watch the Weather Channel for 24 hours straight as they give live coverage of the season's first snowfall in North Carolina, and make fun of all the poor imbeciles who can't figure out how to get out of a fishtail at 5 miles an hour.

Snow in the South is more fun to watch than the circus, the Harlem Globetrotters, and Britney Spears' relationship pattern COMBINED.

Seriously.

The Real

So...you read the blog. Most of you I know, so I figure for you guys this won't be news.

But for the REST of you (all 2 of you, I suppose) here's what's going on with me.

Yes, that's right. This is the long-awaited "What are you doing these days" post.

Let's start from the beginning. After graduating from UNC-Chapel Hill (hence the title of the blog...it is a line from the UNC alma mater entitled "Hark The Sound") in 2008, I began law school in Greensboro. After a year, it definitely wasn't for me, so I moved in a different direction.

Since that time, I have been applying for graduate programs in my undergraduate major, sport management. During my blogging hiatus, I submitted 12 applications, while paying an insane amount of money in fees and processing. Though there are a few loose ends still being tied up, that process has FINALLY finished, which has allowed me much more free time...and blogging time.

Here are the programs I have applied to, in order of where I would like to go:

1. Ohio University
2. The University of Massachusetts
3. The University of Texas - Austin
4. The Ohio State University
5. The University of Central Florida
6. The University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill
7. Florida State University
8. West Virginia University
9. The University of Oregon
10. The University of Florida
11. The University of Georgia
12. The University of Miami (FL)

So that's what's been going on here. I have a 1300 on the GRE, a 620 on the GMAT, and I'm less $800. And it's about to get a LOT more expensive.

But I wouldn't change it for the world; as my favorite quote by Albert Schweitzer goes, "If you are truly happy, you will be successful." And that's the real.

UNC Basketball - What's To Come?

Note: This is the second in a two-part series. The previous entry, "UNC Basketball - What Happened?" can be found by following the provided link.




So as of today (January 23rd, 2010), the UNC men's basketball team sits at 12-7. Not a terrible record, but if you're used to winning national championships, it may as well be 8-20. Oh wait...(Before you get all riled up, I don't think this team will be as bad as the 2002-2003 team that only won 8 games. I mean, this team's already won 12 games last time I checked...can't take 'em away, that's for sure). There are 12 games remaining on the schedule, with the Heels playing only 5 of those games in Chapel Hill.

Situations like this at Carolina breed the "extremist" fans. It's easy to pick these people out; they are the ones who think seasons like 8-20 are still possible, and that they can happen with this group of athletes. These fans, while passionate, are just plain wrong. UNC will not lose the rest of their games this season. It's essentially impossible. The odds of that happening are 1 out of 4096, or roughly 0.0002%. I don't care how un-talented you think this team is, that is simply not going to happen.

Of course, there are "extremists" on the opposite side of the fence. By this point, most of these fans are long gone. They think that this team is poised for a run, and can come together for a stretch run through the last 12 games and really surprise everyone. Anyone who thinks that is also completely wrong. This team has talent, to be sure, but to say that they can pull it together and go 10-2 or 9-3 the rest of the way is simply ridiculous; there are too many good teams left on the schedule for UNC to go on that kind of a run with this team.

With the current schedule, and the way teams like Dook, Georgia Tech, Wake Forest, and Florida State are playing (and all of them are still left on the Heels' schedule), things do not look good for the Heels. However, there are five games that the team should focus on winning. Win these, and the NCAA tournament is still within reach (with some help).

...

Okay, fine. I'll tell you what they are.

1. January 26th - @ North Carolina State. Obviously the most important game if you subscribe to the philosophy that the next game is the most important. However, this game is important for a number of reasons. First and foremost, it's a rivalry game that UNC simply does not want to lose; the Heels would never hear the end of it from their neighbors in Raleigh, and there would be much more confidence for the Wolfpack the next time these two teams meet this season (February 13). Additionally, if Carolina loses this game, they are 0-4 in the ACC (...OUCH) and are in severe danger of simply folding for the rest of the season - which absolutely must not happen if this team is in fact going to make a run at the NCAA tournament. Simply put, this game on Tuesday night is as close to a must-win scenario as the Heels are going to see all season, for the sole reason that a loss could absolutely seal their fate as an NIT (or worse) team.

2. January 31st - vs. Virginia. UVA has a lot of talent, and are led by Sylven Landesburg, one of THE best guards in the ACC. In fact, Landesberg is exactly the kind of player who can light up the Heels (even in a good year) because he is a threat to score from anywhere on the court. The Heels must not lose to Virginia for the simple reason that this is a home game, and every single game in the Dean E. Smith Center from here on out is of utmost importance - lose at home in the ACC, and you can kiss any chance of legitimate postseason play good-bye. The Heels must come into this game ready to defend the perimeter as best they can, or else Virginia will waltz to a victory.

3. February 4th - @ Virginia Tech. You'll notice if you look at the schedule that this is the third consecutive game remaining for the Heels. You'll also realize that these three games (with VT included) are the best opportunity for the Heels to rally to get back to .500 in the ACC. Virginia Tech is arguably the worst team in the conference this year (Miami is pretty close), but coach Seth Greenberg is one of the best in the business, and the Hokies historically have not laid down in ACC play. Once again, the Heels must be ready to stop a perimeter threat in Hokie guard Malcolm Delaney if they want to come out of Blacksburg with a win.

4. Feburary 10th - vs. Dook. This is the game that everyone will be watching. As of today, UNC only has four games to get ready for the Blue Devils to come to town. This is the most intense rivalry in college sports, and the onus will be on players like Deon Thompson, Will Graves, and Marcus Ginyard to get the team ready to play in this game. The Dean Dome will be especially loud, not only because their most hated rival is in town, but because of the added urgency this game presents. If somehow the Heels are able to pull off a victory against Dook, this season would be (partially) salvaged and it would give the Heels a great NCAA tournament resume-building win. The Blue Devils present a lot of tough matchups for the Heels (namely with ACC POY candidates Kyle Singler and Jon Scheyer), so how Carolina addresses those two players will be paramount to the outcome of this game.

5. February 24th - vs. Florida State. I have a hunch that by this point the Heels will really be in need of a big win. Last season, the Heels needed a last-second three by Ty Lawson to beat the Seminoles. This year, the 'Noles come back angrier, more talented, and more explosive than they were last season. I also have a sneaking suspicion that the Heels might have finally figured out how to beat teams like this by this point in the season (otherwise, this game will be essentially meaningless as the Heels struggle to remain eligible for the NIT). If FSU comes into this game ranked (which is entirely possible), it presents another tremendous opportunity for the Heels to get another resume-building win and prove to the NCAA tournament selection committee that they belong.

If (and that's a big if) the Heels win all five of these games, their win total will be at least 17, which in a tough ACC might be enough to warrant a low-seed consideration for the Big Dance. If the Heels can get to 20 wins (perfectly possible with teams like Maryland, Boston College, Miami, and NC State twice left on the slate), they may not need to place as large an emphasis on the ACC Tournament in March. Without those wins, however, the Heels will definitely need a lot of help to get into the NCAA tournament, and could be in danger of missing it for the first time since 2003.

This season is certainly far from over. However, every game from this point forward is essentially a must-win if the Tar Heels are going to make the NCAAs. There is virtually no room for error, and this team will be made aware of that by the coaching staff. Whether they choose to do something about it, however, will define whether this season was just a small step backwards or a free-fall from the top of the college basketball world.

UNC Basketball - What Happened?

Note: This is the first part of a two-part series. The second part, entitled "UNC Basketball - What's To Come?" will be published in the next few days.



With college basketball season in full swing, you can automatically assume that I watched UNC's last game against Wake Forest.

And you know what they say about what happens when you assume? Yeah, you made an ass out of yourself.

I did NOT watch the UNC versus Wake Forest game. I do not care that I missed every second, and did not once turn the television channel to watch what was happening. I knew UNC would lose that game, and they proved me right, getting drubbed by a longer, more physical, and - gasp - more talented Demon Deacon team.

That's right. I said it. Wake Forest was more talented than UNC.

But...but...but this was supposed to be a 2005-2006 type of season, right? Where the team rallies around a senior leader who carries them to the NCAA Tournament? Where a freshman emerges as a future star and helps assuage some of the losses from last year's national championship team? Right? I know I'm right. Tell me I'm right.

You're right. You're absolutely right.

Which means that this team has disappointed you since the beginning of the season. There is no leader on this basketball team. There is no impact freshman on this roster. No amount of coaching can make up for the fact that this team - to put it in terms even Heather Dinich can understand - is just not that good.

But what about the preseason top 5 ranking? Yeah, UNC was vastly overrated.

But what about super-freshman John Henson? Yeah, he doesn't have a position and couldn't put on weight if he ate 10 meals a day.

But what about senior leader Marcus Ginyard? Yeah, he's had almost as many turnovers as points the last three games.

So all of this begs the question...what happened to UNC basketball? Why are the Tar Heels so bad this year after being so good last year? Did Tyler Hansbrough, Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington, and Danny Green REALLY have that big of an impact on this program?

The biggest problem this year is the amount of production that is trying to be replaced. I'm not talking about rebounds, assists, or even points here; I'm talking about quality minutes. Last year, of the 200 minutes available in a college basketball game (40 minutes for each of the 5 starters...40 x 5 = 200), those four Tar Heels averaged a combined 118 minutes. That's 2 seniors and 2 juniors, who have been through the wars of ACC basketball and had valuable NCAA tournament experience, averaging 29 minutes apiece...per game.

Now think about who replaces those minutes. Marcus Ginyard, a solid contributor but shouldn't be counted on for huge offensive outputs or really anything more than solid defensive play. Deon Thompson, who started every game last season, but cannot step up and provide offensive production in the low post. Will Graves, a role player who was suspended almost the entire year last year. Ed Davis, a defensive presence in the paint with limited offensive prowess. Larry Drew, a role player who is a step too slow to run the fast-paced UNC offense.

All of those guys are playing huge minutes this season, but cannot come close to the kind of production necessary to stay consistent with the level of play that the UNC program has become accustomed to seeing. And who is replacing their production on the bench? Five freshmen, three of whom are playing out of position (or at least in a position where they are not comfortable), and none of whom have ever experienced the type of basketball being played on the college level.

Briefly summed up, this is not UNC's year, and anyone who was expecting contention for an ACC title or a guaranteed NCAA berth can kiss those expectations good-bye. This is going to be a bumpy ride from here on out this season. It won't be fun. It won't be easy to watch. And no, I probably won't watch the rest of the games (aside from UNC-Dook, what else would compel me to watch?). For all intents and purposes, I think I can safely say that I am already looking forward to next season for UNC basketball...and that doesn't happen very often.

Sports Masochism: Being a Buffalo Bills Fan

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Something I am fiercely proud of is being a loyal fan of the Buffalo Bills. They were the team my grandfather cheered for, the team he had season tickets to, the team my parents grew up cheering for, the team my first football memory is of, and the first NFL training camp I have ever attended.

We're connected pretty tight.

However, the last decade has been so embarrassing that I'm finding it hard to hurt more for this franchise than I ever thought possible. And it didn't get any better today, as the Bills hired former Dallas Cowboy and Georgia Tech head coach Chan Gailey to be the 15th head coach in franchise history.

This comes after the following people turned down the job or were not interested in what the Bills had to offer:

- Mike Shanahan, now the head coach of the Washington Redskins
- Perry Fewell, now the defensive coordinator of the New York Giants
- Jon Gruden, ESPN analyst and former Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Oakland Raiders head coach
- Bill Cowher, CBS analyst and former Pittsburgh Steelers head coach
- Marty Schottenheimer, NFL legend and (most recently) former San Diego head coach
- Brian Schottenheimer, currently the New York Jets offensive coordinator
- Jim Harbaugh, currently the head coach of the Stanford Cardinal
- Leslie Frasier, currently the defensive coordinator for the Minnesota Vikings

The issue apparently wasn't the money; the Bills were willing to pay whatever it took to get these guys into Orchard Park. But NONE of them - really, none of them - were interested.

Thanks, but we're all set.

I want to be an NFL head coach, but not THAT badly. I'll wait another year for the Oakland Raiders or the St. Louis Rams to call (sorry to all you Raiders and Rams fans who read this blog...all two of you).

Some turned this job down gracefully. Cowher politely declined (and continued to wait for the Carolina Panthers to fire John Fox), as did Gruden (who then signed a 5-year extension with ESPN). Others led the franchise through the charade of being interested (Harbaugh was actually in the state to interview, then didn't; Shanahan actually interviewed, said it went well, then took the Redskins job within 72 hours of it opening up).

And then there's Brian Schottenheimer. Brian Schottenheimer has never been an NFL head coach. Never. Has had a few opportunities, but never a legitimate shot of landing a job. Until this job. But here's the kicker.

He didn't even want to INTERVIEW for this job.

Didn't even return the phone call. Chuckled when he saw the voicemail with the 716 area code and went back to preparing for the NFL playoffs with the division rival Jets.

It's obvious that the Bills have problems - the fact that they're picking in the top 10 in April's NFL draft could tell you that - but are they really so deep that people like Brian Schottenheimer don't even want to come to Ralph Wilson Stadium and do the management a solid by interviewing? I mean really...I'm surprised the Bills could even find a candidate to fill the Rooney Rule who wanted to go through the hoops of pretending to be interested - and the only reason he did it was because the Bills were signing his paychecks at the time (thanks, Perry Fewell for pretending to care as the interim head coach).

Look, I'd be all right if the Bills swung, missed, and still got a guy who can be a good head coach. But Chan Gailey? His last head coaching job was at Georgia Tech, and he was average there. He has NFL head coaching experience - for two years. Only after the Cowboys fired Dave Campo (yeah, remember him?). Bill Belichick is laughing at his television set because he knows the worst his team can go next season is 2-14 - with both wins coming against the Bills.

I'm okay with "almost" (shit, I'm still a fan after 4 STRAIGHT Super Bowl losses...it doesn't get much more dismal than that). I'm okay with heartbreak (Music City Miracle and Wide Right haunt my dreams). I'm even okay with mediocre (remember when getting to .500 was reason for hope the next year?).

But this?

This is pathetic.

Quick Hello (Again)

Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Festivus, and a very Happy New Year to everyone out there in the blogosphere!

Sorry it's been so long between posts...I over-ate at Thanksgiving and was rushed to the emergency room, where I was diagnosed with over-expanding stomach syndrome...disease...

Okay, so I just got really lazy and didn't update the blog for about 2 months. There. You caught me. Feel better?

Seriously though, I have been incredibly busy with a ton of stuff in my personal life (which maybe I'll blog about here at some point) and have finally been catching up with everything. There will be a few posts soon (notably a piece about National Signing Day for all you recruitniks out there), but for now I'll sign off with a quick thank you for not completely abandoning the blog and staying faithful to the cause (whatever it is).

Blog with you guys soon...I promise.